Belonging

It’s hard for me to remember my childhood, young adulthood or even 20 years ago, but I feel certain this has always been a problem – belonging. Maybe I wasn’t meant to belong. It certainly is hard for me. I often feel like I’m trying to force a square peg into a round hole. It just doesn’t work.

I think that was a major part of why I couldn’t survive in a graduate creative writing program – I never felt like I belonged – like I was part of the group. I’m in the same position with a photography group that I pay a lot of money to be a part of each month. It’s so freaking painful most months I wonder why I’m paying money to be uncomfortable.

Not to mention the all-consuming inferiority complex.

I’m trying to break free from the comradery portion of the photography group and just absorb the learning portion.

Today was deadline day so much of the day was spent finishing up the paper. Still waiting on one more ad to be done before I can send the pages to the printer.

During down time I finalized images to enter into The Guild of Photographers Image of the Month competition. As I hit the button to send them I thought to myself … here goes five (or six) qualified images. I have four to enter into the Professional Photography Association’s Merit Image Review. It’d be nice if they all received merit. We’ll see.

Entering competitions is really hard for me.

It’s still an ice skating rink around our property. I attempted to walk out to the barn this morning – it was a balmy 8 degrees when I went out – but it was like walking across a frozen lake. I went back and got the UTV to ride up there. No need to risk a fall.

Until later …